Saying Farewell to Grandpa Steve

My sweet mom called in the wee morning hours last Wednesday to let me know that her dear husband Steve Jackson had passed away.  He had started feeling ill only a few days before...what started out as pneumonia rapidly escalated to sepsis.  His extremely high fever, dramatically low blood pressure, and high levels of acidosis were just too much to overcome.  All four of his children were able to be with him during those last hours before he moved on to the other side.  He was 70 years old.

I went back to bed, woke up Steve, and told him the heartbreaking news.  We felt a particular bond with Steve J. since we had played a small part in the events that brought he and my mom together.  We invited Mom to move in with us in Kaysville not long after our daughter Emily was born.  Steve J. lived in our neighborhood and attended our LDS ward.  He had been a widower for a few years.  It didn't take long before people in the congregation started making hints about Mom and Steve, suggesting that they would be a cute couple. :)  After a series of stolen glances and smiles exchanged at church, Steve finally asked my mom on a date.  They dated for a few months and were married on April 14, 2007 in the Bountiful LDS temple.  

After breaking the sad news to my Steve about Steve J.'s passing, I expressed my wishes that I would love to fly home for the funeral services, both to honor Steve J. but also to be there to support my mom.  We both agreed that it would be so nice, but highly unlikely that I would find reasonable airfare at such late notice.  I tried to go back to sleep, but tossed and turned for hours.  I finally got out of bed and began searching for tickets.  To my utter astonishment, the fares were coming up at about half the price of what we had speculated.  I didn't book anything, but anxiously waited for Steve to wake up so I could talk to him about the possibility of traveling to Utah.

We didn't have too much time to talk before Steve left for work, but he called a short while later to tell me that he had spoken with his workmates about the situation.  He already had four of the next seven days off, and was able to rearrange the schedule to get the additional days off.  Once I got the go-ahead from him, I booked a ticket to fly to Utah that very afternoon, departing about 12 hours after the time I first received the news from my mom. 

One unfortunate coincidence was that that day happened to be our sweet daughter Julia's thirteenth birthday.  We had decorated the house and wrapped her gifts the night before, so even though her birthday was met with very sad news, the house still looked festive, and we tried to make her feel special under the circumstances.  She was such a sweetheart about the situation.  She stayed home from school and helped me pack and get ready to leave.  We shared lots of hugs...she knew it was hard for me to leave on her special day.  I am grateful for Steve and Rachel for taking over after I left to make the evening memorable for Julia.  I'll do a separate post about Julia's birthday to follow, but here's just one recent pic of our cute new teenager!

Oh my goodness, I love this girl.  We are both looking forward to our mom-daughter date this weekend. :)

Traveling back to Utah was surreal.  Never would I have predicted TWO solo trips back to the States after our initial arrival in New Zealand.  I'm getting pretty familiar with Air New Zealand, as well as the Palmerston and Auckland and LAX and SLC airports!  Here's a shot from my seat, crossing the Pacific at sunset...this view made me ponder about earth and heaven and love and life.

After nearly 24 hours of travel time, I arrived safely in Utah.  My dad and stepmom Marylin were there to greet me, and had been so kind to get my car out of storage.  They also lent me a local cell phone to use.  They are always eager to help me or make things easier for me.  I love them.

After visiting for a few hours with my mom, I headed to Ray and Danita's (my wonderful in-laws) home, where we lived last year while they were on their mission.  Since Mom's house was pretty full with some of Steve J.'s family members (and since some of our furniture is still being stored at Ray and Danita's), I decided I would stay with the Caldwells, only a few miles away from my mom.  I was exhausted from travel, and it was absolutely lovely to sleep in my own bed again.

I posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that fall in Utah is my favorite time of the year.  Of course I never imagined that I'd be in Utah THIS fall.  The colored leaves were really beautiful.  I wish I had taken more photos, but I did get a few:  

My sisters Jenny and Lydia arrived from Texas and California, which meant that all six of Mom's kids were there to support her.  While the circumstances which brought us together were heartbreaking, we were all grateful to be together, since it had been nearly two years.  

Steve's viewing was very nice and well-attended.  Since my mom and Steve had lived in Steve's home in my old neighborhood, I knew so many of the people who came to pay their respects.  I appreciated that opportunity to see old friends and acquaintances.  It was very tender to hear how much they had grown to love my mom over the past 6 years (most had lived near Steve for decades and already adored him).  Many of my sweet friends looked me in the eyes and told me that they would be there for my mom and would take good care of her.  They made me cry!  I love them all.

I was surprised by a visit from my caring friends Katherine and Brooke from Mountain Green.  I didn't get a picture with them, but treasured their thoughtfulness!  I was also touched to see my wonderful friends since elementary school, Shannon and Amber.  We have been so close for years, and have shared in each other's triumphs and heartaches.  It meant so much to me that they came to hug my mom and to visit with me.    

One more (blurry) photo from the viewing...this pic makes me want to reach through my computer and give Mom another big hug.

When we should have gone home to get a good night's sleep, I went over to my dad's house (where my sisters were staying) and we chatted for a few hours.  After Dad finally headed to bed, I grabbed my keys to leave, but ended up staying for over two more hours!  It was foolish to stay up so late when I was already jet-lagged, but so well worth it.  When sisters don't see each other very often, we have to make up for lost time!

The morning of the funeral dawned clear and beautiful.  My mom mentioned several times that day, "This is Steve's favorite kind of day."  We all learned a lot about Steve's life during the funeral.  We laughed and we cried.  It was touching to see so many people who came to honor Steve and to support my mom.

A few photos at the cemetery:

After the dedicatory prayer, our family took advantage of the beautiful day to take some photos together.  Who knows when this many of us will be together again?  

Left to Right:  Ben, Greg, Mindy, Jenny, Lydia and Clayton.

With Mom:

With Dad, Marylin and Grandma Lorie:

Sisters!  Love them both so much.

The whole Scothern clan... well, some of us... would you believe that there are 21 not pictured?  :)

Steve J.'s got a pretty gorgeous bunch.  I enjoyed getting to know all of them better and hope to keep in touch with them!

I love this photo with Grandma Lorie, who turned 83 on Halloween.  She is so sharp and witty.  Since she is my only living grandparent, I can finally shout from the rooftops, "Grandma, you are my FAVORITE!"

We enjoyed a delicious luncheon provided by the thoughtful ward sisters.  Thanks so much ladies!  

The next few days were spent visiting, relaxing, eating, crying, hugging, and basically just trying to spend as much time with Mom and my family as possible.  Mom had good moments, where she was feeling strong, but also hard moments that sent her reeling...something as simple as seeing tomatoes from the garden that Steve had picked for her caused her to weep.  I know there will be tough moments in the coming days - weeks - months, and I will pray every day that she and Steve's kids will be strengthened and uplifted by each other, their memories, loved ones around them, and especially the love of the Savior and their faith that they will be reunited with Steve again.

During the days after the funeral, we took a few long drives together.  One afternoon, we drove to have a peek at our lot where we'll be building our new home.  Construction is set to begin in the next few weeks.  I'm excited.

After my sisters had gone home, we had a lovely gathering with the Caldwells, filling up on Layne's chili verde and topping off with a batch of chocolate toffee pretzel bark (that stuff I blogged about earlier).  We ate too much of everything (huge shocker) and enjoyed one another's company.  My mom came too.  It was a very nice evening.

The weather turned cold and windy on the morning of my departure.  I love this pic of the Caldwell's backyard with a fresh dusting of snow on the mountains:

The front yard view was not quite as pleasant, as it brought back memories of last fall and the many, many hours we spent raking up leaves!

The return trip home was very long, but went smoothly.  Previously I witnessed sunset on the Pacific, and this time I was treated to a beautiful sunrise.

I had asked my family to give me a wish-list of things they'd like me to bring back from Utah.  Thanks to a big bag lent to me by Danita, I was able to fulfill all of their wishes, plus much more.  The kids were excited about everything, but especially the surprise appearance of our Christmas stockings.  I climbed high into our storage unit... on an unstable ladder... in a DRESS... to retrieve those babies.  It will be so nice to have a little something from home for the holidays.

I am incredibly grateful that I was able to make this trip.  I loved Steve Jackson for making Mom's dreams come true.  He was a hard-working, generous, humble, caring, and kind husband.  I only wish that they had had more years together.  Steve was a wonderful grandpa to my kids and they will miss him very much.  We are all very sad.  One thing that Grandpa was famous for was his love for gummy bears.  I brought back a baggy full from the last big Costco bag that Grandpa had eaten from.  I think it will be strange and more real for my kids when we move back, and Steve isn't at all the activities where they are used to seeing him.  Cameron and Grandpa shared a particularly close bond.  I love this photo of them together from Thanksgiving a few years ago:

  

I am so thankful for our loving and thoughtful work and church friends here in New Zealand, who brought many meals and offered to help Steve while I was gone.  I am mostly grateful for my sweet Steve, who is a superhero in every sense of the word.  It's not easy to manage this crazy household as a team... it's so much harder on your own.  Steve amazes me.  We have the best kids, too, who truly understand the meaning of teamwork and unity in a family. 

Last but not least, a shout-out to Jesse, the carpet cleaning specialist, who painstakingly worked for four hours to transform Landon's nail-polish artwork from this...

...to this:

Phew!!

It's nice to be home.